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He was an expert at this after all. The next three weeks couldn't have passed more slowly. I was torn whether I should go through with it, even up to the point that I had confirmed with him and I was about to ring the buzzer on his luxury apartment in London. I'd arrived in London early with the plan to have some alcohol to give me some dutch courage and it was probably the couple of beers that helped me make that last step and ring the buzzer. 'O' invited me in and led me to his apartment which was on the top floor. I couldn't help admiring his glutes as we ascended the stairs. As we entered the room, he closed the door behind us and I was still in the mindset that I could leave. Sensing my unease, 'O' offered me a drink. I just had water and he asked me what I'd like to do today. I was too shy to suggest anything and so 'O' recommended a massage which I thought was a great way to break the ice. He instructed me to take my clothes off which I did, down to my boxer shorts. I kept. Ileft as quickly as I could and found my way back to the hotel. I sat onthe edge of the bed with tears rolling down my face again as I began torealise what I had done. The alcohol was now bringing me down as italways does and wave after wave of guilt and shame washed over me. Idimly realised that by fucking Ting and Bell I was seeking vengeance onAlex for what I believed was her betrayal of me. How stupid can a manbe?For the first time in my life I cried myself to sleep.I woke up the next morning with a hangover, a mouth like the bottom of aparrot’s cage and the biggest case of guilt I had ever felt. The firsttwo could be sorted out with aspirin and lots of water; the guilt wouldtake a lot more than that to expunge.I looked at the clock, 9 o’clock. I groaned as the headache kicked inhard, drumming across the back of my eyes. I needed water, painkillersand coffee, in that order. Possibly a priest too, I thought grimly. Ineeded to talk to somebody and I knew of only one person I could.
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